Fundamentally, each and every one of us has a basic need. The need is to be fulfilled as a person, it is what makes us complete, what makes us feel that we are worth something to others and to the world at large. How, within ourselves do we achieve such fulfilment? The answer is that we constantly take emotional feedback from others and our responses to the world, our behaviour, our outlook and our perception of who we are and the value that we hold are all based on this feedback. It is exactly this constant flow of emotional feedback which meets our basic need to be fulfilled, because fulfilment ultimately comes from being acknowledged by others for who we are, being understood and having a feeling that we belong and that we are wanted. In my opinion, it is these fundamentally deep needs and the fulfilment of these that forms the entire basis of emotional intelligence. Even a bad person, a person who hurts others, is either not having these needs fulfilled and therefore becomes 'bad' in response to the deficiency in fulfilment of their basic emotional needs or it could be that the person has had too much of the 'wrong' type of emotional feedback which leads them to do things, as they feel fully justified in what they are doing, as a direct result of the emotional feedback they may have received. In either case, the subconscious emotional centre is driving their conscious actions, whether good or bad.
Now, when we see a strong person who is able to handle life's battles with ease and succeed, we wonder how they became strong. People from underprivileged backgrounds or those who grew up in extremely difficult circumstances, who still seem to succeed in their lives despite their circumstances, may well have been shaped by their environment, becoming hardened to the harshness of the world and thus succeed because they simply overcompensate their shortcomings by pushing harder and working harder. Nevertheless, environment alone cannot completely give all the feedback a person needs to know if they are right or wrong about something and whether or not they are making the right decisions about different events in their lives, yet ultimately, if they are successful, then surely they must have made a net number of the right decisions over time in order to become successful. And this is where emotional intelligence comes in because those decisions, which were the right decisions, will have come from an inner sense of confidence, self worth and surety that they are indeed the right decisions. That confidence and surety, in turn, will have come from the emotional feedback that they will have received from others and therein lies the 'Eureka' moment, when that person absolutely knows they are doing the right thing. In this way, I can absolutely guarantee, that if you were to ask any successful person, the reasons for their success, ultimately it will boil down to the influences from others which fed their emotional centres, which then led them to make the right decisions, which ultimately led to their success. Thus, in order to deeply understand the human world around us, we need to be perceptive and open to giving and receiving this constant flow of emotional feedback and to be able to recognise when it can be of value to us.
In this post, I refer to 'success'. However how does one define success? - well, this is the subject of a different blog, keep reading :-)